I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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