We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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