I love black thongs
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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