I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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