i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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