i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
