He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
