i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
