Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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