he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
