You're my little dorito
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
