So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Holy sore nipples Batman
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
