When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Randomize