Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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