your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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