u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
