my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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