We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
