that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
