Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
