i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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