I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
