We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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