Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
