You smell like a Billy Joel song
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
