she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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