I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
