You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
operation harelip BJ is a go
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
