why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
