Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
