Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
