People in love make me want to vomit
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
NoShamevember. You game?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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