Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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