I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I love you.
Bad choice
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