oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
