Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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