My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
