Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
