i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
