i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
