thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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