Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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