Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
there is puke in my bra ... again
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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