Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My vagina is very pro this idea
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
