I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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