Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Text me some of your sweat
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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