My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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