Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
