I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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