This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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