I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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