Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
