i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
