If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
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I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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