First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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