It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Randomize
