Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
love makes seman taste better
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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