bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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