shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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