I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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