he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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