the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
