Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
