i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize