I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Randomize
