Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
