Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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