i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
