what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
